Naughty Dumbledore
by Squarian
Summary: Albus has been sleeping around. What will happen when people start finding out? BEWARE: Pretty weird shit
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimah: not harry brain is not mine okai

Hermione couldn't wait. Albus had called her up to his office and she was eagerly anticipating what he had in store for her. She approached the entrance to his office "Twinks" She said, making the two large statues of the male organ move aside.

Dumbledore was lying on the table in a beige chanel dress that went down to his knees. He's legs were crossed over and Hermione imagined spreading the wrinkles apart with her tongue. He smiled at the beautiful girl wearing only her school shirt and panties "You look so beautiful" he said, spreading his legs.

Blushing, Hermione walked over to her lover who was now sitting down facing her, they shared a long kiss in which they sucked the saliva off each other's chins afterwards. Hermione stroked Dumbledore's cheek "You look so cute" she said, giving him a peck on the nose.

She suddenly walked away from the man to a cupboard in the corner of the room. Dumbledore smiled as she walked back over to him with a strapon and lube in hand "Do you want to fuck me Hermione?" He fondled her breasts reaching under her shirt.

Both their heads turned at the noise from the door. Ginny Weasley was standing in the office looking rather distraught "Al?! How c-coul-" "AVADA KEDAVRA!" Ginny Weasley fell to the floor with a thump as Dumbledore blew his wand '_that was too close'_ he thought as he put his thong back on.

Hermione was laughing "I hated that bitch anyway!" she was now snorting "I'm so glad nobody has found out about us yet Dumby". The old man sighed '_more like found out about me sleeping around'_ "Let's call it a night, we'll meet tomorrow morning Hermione, I promise" They shared a kiss good night and Hermione walked off to bed with her breasts exposed.

As she entered the Gryffindor common room she saw Harry, who grinned as he spotted her "So Mione', who have you been fucking?" He asked whilst briefly letting his eyes gaze upon her breasts "Oh- um just some boy. From Slytherin..." '_Damn it!' _she thought, regretting what she had just said. Harry's grin grew larger "Don't tell me you've been shagging Draco" Hermione opened her mouth immediately "Of course not! Besides, it's none of your business". Harry decided to let it end there and sat down in a comfy position.

Dumbledore lay awake in bed staring up at the ceiling, thinking about how was going to survive. What if everyone found out about him? He'd be known as the slut of the wizarding world. As well as having about 30 people trying to kill him for cheating. This was going to be a tough one to get out of...

END OF CHAPTER 1

I know it's short but it's just and intro to the story. Don't worry it won't be hardcore kinky all the way through. Hopefully some of you lol'd. Please tell me what you think with a review :D.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimah: not harry brain is not mine okai

Authors Love Note: This is set in Harry's 6th year.

Dumbledore sat up panting after being awoken from a nightmare. He'd dreamt that all his students were watching a montage of everyone he's been fucking, with the song 'if u seek amy' by Britney Spears playing in the background. He was relieved when he woke up to the site of his wand resting on the desk in front of his bed, briefly remembering the great man he once was, as well as all the battles he's fought with that wand – including using it as a dildo for his ass. It wasn't even as if he needed to masturbate. He had half the people in the school to choose from to fulfil his sexual needs. He could have any one of them come to him within seconds!

His favourite visitor _was _Tom Riddle. With emphasis on was because after Tom caught Dumbledore and Hagrid going at it he went completely mental and became the darkest wizard of all time. The images of Hagrid riding Dumbledore were still fresh in his mind. However after Hagrid went into hiding he targeted the Potter's for Lily and James' threesome with Dumbledore. Since then he's never been the same.

Albus got himself dressed in his typical blue robes before going down to the great hall for a whole school breakfast. It was moments like this that he dreaded. He noticed a lot of winks and smiles coming his way as he stood up on the podium to give the announcements "- And as you all know Tom Riddle, otherwise known as Lord Voldemort is now at large. But this shouldn't be a time of fear, this should be a time where we all come together and unite against evil! Thank you" His speech was followed by a big applause of approval from everyone in the Hall. Some even calling out things like "I love you Dumbledore!" "I _really _need to talk to you about some tutoring.." and "You're so fucking handsome!". Many students wore grins as they heard people say these things, believing that they were Dumbledore's true one and only lover.

B===D ~

The students sat at the Gryffindor table were now mostly seated after a thorough round of applause. Harry finally sat down taking his place next to Ron, opposite Hermione, who was the first to speak "Wasn't that just brilliant?!" She said "More like _fucking _fantastic!" Ron clearly approved. Neville, who was sitting next to Hermione just shook his head "I don't understand the big deal about him. He's just an old man who says a lot" Ron gasped in horror "DON'T YOU KNOW THAT HE'S BEEN VOTED SEXIEST WIZARD OF THE MONTH FOR 5 MONTHS IN A ROW BY PLAYWITCH?!" Ron was now stood up and clenching his fists, it was pretty certain that the whole table had heard him but nobody whispered a word until he finally sat down.

Harry finally spoke up, "You read playwitch Ron?" He asked with a questioning look. Ron looked startled, "Well Ginny does.. I umm always see her reading it. Where is that cow anyways?" He darted his head exaggeratingly around the room, failing to spot her. Hermione hid her face in her sleeves as she let out a light chuckle. Ron suddenly looked confused, "Does anyone know where she is?" "Last time I saw her was when we had break up sex last week" Harry replied. Hermione was about to say something but everyone's eyes turned towards Dumbledore as he had another announcement to make.

He stepped up to the podium wondering what he was going to say. There was no time to write anything down, he had to improvise. Professor Snape had found her dead body in the dungeons where he foolishly left her, and her naked body had Dumbledore's fingerprints all over it. He now had to explain her death, "Attention Please!" Now there wasn't a pair of eyes in the hall that didn't rest their focus on Albus Dumbledore "Um Ginny Weasley is dead, k thanks bai!" Roars of cheer and approval spread across the great hall. Most were saying horrid things about Ginny. There was not one person in the hall that mourned over her death, even Ron joined in with the cheers.

A few people were starting to get carried away. Luna Lovegood was standing on the Ravenclaw table with her tits out saying "Up yours, GINNY!" Hermione finally let out her laughter which she had been holding back for a while. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the good spirit that Ginny's death had brought upon them. But within a split second the whole hall was silent.

Ginny Weasley stood naked at the entrance to the great hall. There were cries of "Why are you here?" "I thought she was dead" as well as many insults directed at the nude redhead. Luna Lovegood was pissed.. " Who the FUCK do you think you are? Ruining a good time like this huh?" Lovegood was now stepping off the table "AVADA KEDAVRA!" Ginny's body stiffened and she dropped face first onto the floor. Dumbledore couldn't help but wonder how she'd returned. He'd definitely have to burn her this time.

The party in the Great hall was brought back to life. Everyone was having a great time. A lot of the students were moving around tables and the teachers joined them. Everybody in the room was at least slightly drunk. Luna was victim of a gangbang from Snape, Ron, Neville, Draco and Professor McGonagall, who was wearing a glass strapon, Luna eventually ended up passing out covered in cum but the main focus of most people was Dumbledore.

He just wasn't being left alone. Every two minutes he'd have someone come up to him and whisper something suggesting that they want to meet up tonight. The headmaster had plans to spend the night with Harry but it didn't look very likely anymore, much to the disappointment of the chosen one.

Hagrid was playing the DJ role of the party; he seemed to have mixed loads of mainstream songs together to create one big rocketing orgasm. Even though it seemed to die down a bit with loads of people throwing up and passing out, some were getting carried away, including Flich who was shagging Ginny's dead body. At first there was a crowd around him. Cheering him on until he climaxed. But he never stopped going and people just got bored.

People were beginning to retreat to their dorms. Mostly because a morning announcement led to a party which went on until 4am the next day. As the party ended, Harry was glad that he'd finally get a chance to speak to Dumbledore. He searched the hall for him; trying not to step over the bodies on the floor, he wouldn't be surprised if some of them were dead. He finally found Dumbledore half naked and strapped to the Slytherin table on his back with a frog in his mouth.

Harry smiled "OK baby you can stop playing dead now" he was now on top of his headmaster who was unresponsive. The boy who lived sighed as he removed his underwear, making him completely naked. Dumbledore still hadn't moved a muscle "It's not funny now" Harry was now whining like a 10 year old. He stuck a finger in the old man's mouth, but still there was no response. That's when he noticed Dumbledore's legs dangling off both sides of the table and he saw that his left foot was in Hagrid's mouth. Harry felt like dying "HOW COULD YOU" he screamed at the top of his lungs as he punched Hagrid clean in the face causing him to bite down hard on Dumbledore's crusty toes.

Both Hagrid and Dumbledore burst into consciousness with screams of pain. Dumbledore sat up causing the straps on his arms to rub heavily on his old skin "Oh HAGGY! What did I tell you abou- Oh..." He said, noticing Harry was close to tears. _Great I'm fucked_ Dumbledore thought not knowing how he was going to get himself out of this "It's not what it looks like Harry" He barely breathed the last part as he saw Hagrid standing up. Hagrid was grinning "Did you just call me Harry you silly ol- HARRY! WHAT THE BLOODY ELL AR YOU DOIN ERE'?" Hagrid looked somewhat disgusted

Harry couldn't fight back the tears. He was in an emotional crying state "You BASTARD! YOU'RE A FUCKING CUNT WHO LIVES IN A SQUARE CENTIMETERE MUD HUT WHO THINKS ITS OK TO STEAL OTHER PEOPLES BOYFRIENDS!" He managed to bark out. Hagrid slapped Harry clean across the face, leaving a large red hand mark "Are ye' fuckin kiddin me harry'? Me n' Dumbledore have been shagging each other since 1940! And he says he'd never even touch anyone else!" Harry looked shocked "WELL HE TOUCHED ME. IN FACT I FUCKED HIM JUST TWO NIGHTS AGO!" Dumbledore magically released himself from his straps and tried to sneak away. Hagrid pulled him back "No, no, no! You've got some explainin' to do to this boy" Yep, Dumbledore was screwed.

END OF CHAPTER 2

Yes, I know I'm not a skilled writer at all but I do this for fun

Give feedback if you want :D


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